Find Your Humanity! (Beauty and the Beast Style)

I’m sure someone has written about this already, but my cursory internet search came up with nothing, so here’s my two cents: Beauty and the Beast screams Theology of the Body.  I had this revelation while watching the new live action version.

What specifically came to my mind is the fact that St. John Paul II says women teach men how to be human.  This is literally happening in Beauty and the Beast!  Due to the fall, men tend towards beastliness (ok honestly we all do), at least figuratively.  In this classic movie, Prince Charming is literally turned into a beast, so his outer form matches his cold, selfish heart.  Remember, he was never really charming to begin with, so he couldn’t use turning into a beast as an excuse.  However, he became more bitter and resentful.

Enter a beautiful, selfless, young woman.  Here is a person whom the beast can love, can live for.  With her he can, “discover himself through a sincere gift of self”.  And she must let herself be loved as she is, just as she receives him as he is.  She, through her love, helps to redeem and transform him into a man, more of a man than he ever was.

Incidentally, this is all reminding me of the ideas of a newly ordained priest, Fr. Patrick Shultz, of the Cleveland Diocese.  In his Master’s Thesis on the genius of men (it’s about time!), he described the man’s heart as a castle.  A man is pierced, wounded by a woman’s beauty and he let’s her into his heart, to be protected.  The man’s instinct is to live with an outward focus, but when he lets a woman inside she draws him in as well, into the home she creates.

Do you see what I see?? This is also happening in Beauty and the Beast!  The beast is trapped inside this castle, through his own fault.  It became a prison, something to escape from.  But then he lets Belle, aka Beauty, into his castle and eventually into his heart.  His rough exterior is pierced and he is freed to love.  At first he tries to possess Belle, to keep her as a prisoner in his castle, but it is only when he sees her as a gift and lets her go that she can truly be his.

Why do women have this unique role?  The more human we become, the more God-like we become.  Jesus became man so we could see what we’re supposed to look like, for we were made in his image.  Furthermore, God chose to redeem the world through a woman – and continues to do so.  It is women who are the preservers of culture, who embody compassion, kindness and mercy.  It is women who make humanity more human.  Every time a woman gives birth to an immortal soul, it is a redemptive act, and as she tries to bring that child up in a Godly way, then she is bringing that child closer to its destiny of becoming God-like.  She is repairing the image and likeness of God in humanity.

O Felix Culpa

I’ve been avoiding this post like the plague ever since the Holy Spirit put it on my heart.  I’ve come up with all sorts of other neat ideas for posts and God still nudged me towards this.  No, this is not my last post (although that will be coming soon enough).

Writers are made completely vulnerable through their writing.  We put our entire selves into everything we write – wear our hearts on our sleeves so to speak.  One thing I have always been aware of is the power of stories.  While fictional stories can be chock full of Truth, it is of imperative importance that we as Christians tell our stories.  Even more specific than this, we need to tell our love stories.  Everyone is touched by a good love story.  So Christ has been telling me over and over, tell our story; it is the greatest love story ever told – my personal love story with Christ is wrapped up in the story of His mystical bride, the Church.  It is unfortunately similar to the love story of Israel – who was continuously unfaithful and often strayed far from God.

God wants to convey a very important message through my story: his call is a gift, not based upon our own merits.  No matter how unfaithful we are, how sinful, how broken, we each have a specific and unique vocation.  His call is always there no matter what incredibly stupid things we do.  It is a gift – I cannot even begin to stress the importance of this.

God gave me this precious gift of my calling in high school.  Did I treasure this gift, cultivate it and learn how to use it in the manner it was intended?  Honestly, not really.  Mostly I peeked at it a couple of times and then ignored it until about two years ago.  On the outside, I said I was discerning religious life, that I was excited about it, but deep down, I wasn’t convinced.  I wanted to feel loved, wanted to know what being in love felt like.  I didn’t believe the Truth that God could fulfill me completely.  I was lonely.  Like many young women, I looked to boys to fulfill me emotionally, and eventually physically.

After Months of feeling like this, a slow downward spiral culminated in one summer of hitting rock bottom.  A boy (disguised as a man) suddenly gave me the attention I so craved.  I am now ashamed to admit how quickly I attached myself to his arm and like having an out of body experience(probably induced by alcohol), I watched myself become a different person.  When this relationship (I use that term very loosely) ended I was left broken, dazed, and not knowing who I was.

Yet, through confession, good friends, and prayer, God healed me.  I was able to go before God, my pride completely gone and admit I knew nothing.  My illusions about myself, faith and love gone, he was able to teach me His Reality.  Looking back, being totally empty allowed healing to happen relatively quickly and prepared me for what God had in store.  A mere two months after that summer, I was invited to visit the Capuchin Sisters of Nazareth.  I was surprised by the joy that overwhelmed me.  It hit me: God is still calling me.  It’s as if he was saying: like Israel, I will always take you back.  I still want you for my bride.  My vocation did not lie with that community, but I was surprisingly ready! God wasted no time and shortly after led me to the TOR Sisters.

Anyone looking at this timeline and seeing the radical switch from the lifestyle I had been living might think I am running away.  The Truth is that God converted my heart, captured it, and now I can truly say I am in love with Him!  Once I opened my heart, he rushed in and didn’t waste any time! Plus, God is outside of time!  There was no room for wallowing in guilt and self-pity – ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!

Before my sinful relationship that summer, I had this vague idea of my identity as a beloved daughter of God but it wasn’t a Truth planted in my heart.  The same goes for chastity and the calling to religious life.  I really thought my faith was built on rock, but it turned out to be a house with a foundation of sand.  Distracted from God so easily, my house crumbled in no time.

While contemplating this recently, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what had changed after that summer, until I read Lumen Fidei – Pope Francis’s encyclical.

“we need knowledge, we need truth, because without these we cannot stand firm, we cannot move forward.  Faith without truth does not save, it does not provide a sure footing.  It remains a beautiful story, the projection of our deep yearning for happiness, something capable of satisfying us to the extent that we are willing to deceive ourselves.  Either that, or it is reduced to a lofty sentiment which brings consolation and cheer, yet remains prey to the vagaries of our spirit and the changing seasons, incapable of sustaining a steady journey through life.”

This is the key to the change that occurred – God granted me a renewed Faith based on knowledge and Truth.  I had nothing left, stopped “trying” so hard and God granted me a deeper gift of Faith.  Being a perpetual student, God gave me this knowledge in a literal way.  I really delved into Theology of the Body and read books like Discovering the Feminine Genius by Katrina Zeno.  This has continued through the past year and my Faith is continually expanding as I learn more.  However, in the end it is a gift – I cannot stress this enough.  I did nothing to earn this Faith.

The most recent book which has been leaving my brain on the floor is The Foundations of Religious Life: Revisiting the Vision.  It dives into some complicated details of the theology of Religious Life.  One element discussed is the importance of personal conversion, which is somehow tied up in the conversion of the whole world.  This part hit me particularly hard:

“The Religious is called to recognize sinful personal choices as the “o happy fault” and become a dispenser of good through one’s own human condition – to allow Christ to use hummannes as it is, as his own instrument in the redemption of others.  The very process of being personally released from sin while learning obedience to the Father triggers the means of redemption within others.”

I read this and knew that this post had to come eventually.  Not just this post, but telling the story God is writing through me, for the rest of my life.  God has brought so much good out of my mistakes – even the redemption of others (I have no idea how this works!)

Your calling is a gift.  Faith is a gift.  All you have to do is say, “I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done unto me according to your word.”

I Am Against Contraception Because I Have Faith in Humanity

So far this blog has been about my own spiritual journey and random adventures around the world.  Recently though I have been feeling more compelled to speak out on moral and political issues.  About a month a ago I attended a social justice conference sponsored by my diocese.  The first session I sat in was about the necessity of getting involved in the public sphere as Catholics.  With recent issues like the HHS mandate, we have an urgent responsibility to speak out.  So this, and other places on the internet, is where I choose speak out, to educate and engage others.

JPII’s got my back.

In this post I’m just going to come right out and address contraception, sex and God’s beautiful plan for us.  Now when someone like me addresses things like this everyone asks: How can someone who is going to be a nun, has never had sex and hasn’t even been in a serious relationship talk about these things intelligently?  I can do this because I have an understanding of heaven and the nuptial union between God and His Church.  As usual, my man JPII has something to say on this subject.  In his words:   “Marriage reveals the nuptial character of celibacy, and celibacy reveals that the ultimate purpose of marriage is to prepare us for heaven.” (http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0114.html)

Let’s break that down.  Marriage is a sacrament; sacraments are meant to be a physical sign of an inward grace, or spiritual reality.  Marriage is the foreshadowing of the marriage feast of heaven, when we will all be reunited with God.  Celibacy “skips” this earthly foreshadowing and attempts to live out a deeper union with God here on earth.   In a nutshell, my life as a nun will hopefully mirror the deeper meaning behind marriage and all that goes with it. If that made zero sense, see the link above.

At this point you’re probably asking yourself what the point of this post is anyway.  Well the catalyst was the launching of a wonderful, revolutionary website called 1flesh.org.  BadCatholic(the blogger I would marry if I wasn’t going to be a nun) helped create this project as an attempt to reveal the truth about artificial birth control and why sex is better “naked.”

So I was on Catholic cloud nine, exploring this website and helping to blow up the internet with its bold truth.  But of course the majority of people in this world can’t handle the truth and certainly don’t like being told how to live their lives.  Over on the Atheist channel at Patheos I came across this article:  “Catholic Blogger’s Dangerous New Project Warns People to Stop Using Contraception.”  And as I began reading, my head started inadvertently hitting the desk in frustration.  This blogger couldn’t even come up with new or creative arguments.  It is clear to me that she does not have a grasp on the Catholic understanding of sex or why this understanding is freeing, not constraining.

Firstly this:  “it’s an archaic, unrealistic standard.”  It just occurred to me how incredibly stupid this argument is.  People are always saying that the Catholic Church is outdated and has “unrealistic” expectations.  Why do we think that people today are less capable of self-control than those of the 19th century?  Personally, I have more faith in humanity than that.  We Catholics hold the crazy notion that people can and should control their desires.  Apparently that’s too much to ask.  People are obviously going to have sex anyway, so let’s just make it easier and more convenient!

Second bone of contention: apparently avoiding artificial contraception makes women “into slaves of their own biology despite the existence of readily available alternatives.”  Does this lady know anything about NFP or the like…?  Newsflash: Catholics are not against preventing pregnancy and planning a family prudently (gasp), we simply believe that artificial contraception inhibits the unitive and procreative nature of intercourse.

And the last paragraph just pushed me over the edge: “1Flesh will fail at making uncontrolled fertility and high-risk sex cool, and that’s a blessedly good thing. Still, it is utterly irresponsible and dangerous for anyone to attempt to convince people not to use contraception. It’s one thing to preach abstinence. It’s another to tell people who are having sex without the intent to have children to stay away from highly-effective forms of contraception.”  If 1flesh is preaching the truth, which I believe it is, it will certainly not fail but flourish and reach thousands of people.  Again, I’m not sure what Catechism you’ve been skimming, but the Catholic Church does not promote “uncontrolled fertility” or “high-risk sex.”  We do not operate under the assumption that fertility is under our control.  It is a gift from God, who expects us to use it responsibly and not throw it out the door completely, as with artificial contraception.  Hence, the no sex outside of marriage.  Oh yeah, and children aren’t a “risk” of sex – Catholic couples who practice some sort of natural family planning aren’t living in constant of fear of pregnancy.  As for the last sentence – we are not just willy nilly going around telling people not to use contraception but to continue having all the sex you want.  Our aim is to teach people God’s plan for our sexuality and that most of the time you should be at least open to having children(since that’s kinda what it’s for).

Woah, apparently I had a lot of feelings about that…

In case you forgot in the midst of my rantings, please check out 1flesh.org.

No Pants O’Clock!

A while ago I mentioned the Garden of Eden in The Power to Serve as God’s original vision for humanity.  Well I was listening to Pandora the other day and this song came on:

When the first light brightened the dark
Before the breaking of the human heart
There was You and there was me
Innocence was all I knew
‘Cause all I had to know was You
We were running underneath the trees

I wanna see you face to face
Where being in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

I remember how You’d call my name
And I would meet You at the garden gate
How the glory of Your love would shine
And I remember when the stars were young
You breathed life into my lungs
Oh I never felt so alive
I wanna see you face to face
Where being in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

To be naked and unashamed
In a sweet down pour of innocent rain
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

Where my eyes can see the colors of glory
My hands can reach the heaven before me
Oh, my God I wanna be there with You
Where our hearts will beat with joy together
And love will reign forever and ever
Oh my God I wanna be there with You

I wanna see you face to face
Where being in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

To be naked and unashamed
In a sweet down pour of innocent rain
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

I’ve been loving Phil Wickham songs lately, but this one takes the cake.  Pretty sure this man is creeping on my journal and Pandora somehow tapped into my brain.  Anyway, this perfectly explains what I was talking about and expresses what we should all desire: “I want it like it was back then, I wanna be in Eden.”

One line that stuck out to me was, “To be naked and unashamed.”  In reading about Theology of the Body, I learned what it really meant that Adam and Eve were “naked and unashamed.”  JPII calls it original nakedness.  They weren’t just physically naked – they had nothing to hide from God or each other.  As this blog explains, lust did not exist and they had no desire to use each other for physical pleasure.  They saw each other as whole beings and for who they truly were.  For now it’s important to ask: am I truly naked before God or do I try to hide behind fig leaves?

True Freedom

*Disclaimer*  I am not a theologian – these are my thoughts and opinions.  Although I have a strong knowledge of Church doctrine and have researched these topics, I may be off slightly on the specifics.  Please feel free to point me in the right direction if I am wrong.

It’s time.  Time to talk about women and the Church.  It’s time to coherently explain thoughts that have been developing over the course of the past few months.  I have many thoughts about women, sexuality, the supposed “attack on nuns” and the misconceptions about power in the Church.  Therefore I will probably rant for a few posts.

So back around August I started reading everything I could get my hands on about Theology of the Body and God’s unique design for women.  I read things like this book.  In addition, this semester I took a Feminist Cultural Criticism class which covered a span of thought under the umbrella of liberal feminism(everything decidedly not Catholic).

The ultimate goal of feminism is equality of all people and the liberation of women from the patriarchal structures which keep them subordinate to men.  There are many different opinions of how to achieve this goal.  One thing I began understanding through my independent research(especially through this collection of essays about New Feminism) is that we Christians have a radically different idea of freedom than the secular world. In order to understand the Catholic perspective on sexuality, gender and hierarchy, it is important to grasp this concept of freedom.

As humans, one of the basic things we long for is freedom.  As Americans we are focused on the guarantee of freedom for all people.  What is freedom?  Our society would say it is the ability to do whatever we want, wherever we want, with whomever we want.  It is about having control of ourselves and our bodies.  It is about the ability to choose.  It is about autonomy.

Christianity offers a different perspective of freedom – freedom from the shackles of sin.  The chaplain at my school is always saying that true freedom comes from being your authentic self, but also allowing others to be their authentic selves.    I’ve been meditating a lot on this lately and trying to understand what it means.

John 8:32, says: “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” This means the truth of God’s love and Jesus’s sacrifice, but also the truth of who you are.  Boiled down, freedom is the ability to stay true to who you really are – your morals, values, etc.  Being able to do what is moral and good also means that sin does not have control over you.  Knowing yourself includes knowing what it means to be male and female.  We hold that men and women have naturally different natures, which is seen as a controversial view.  However, gender is an important part of one’s identity and therefore important in the quest for liberation.  We’ll get more into that later with a discussion of how I believe men and women have unique and distinct ways of serving the Church.

Self-knowledge leads to self-possession.  Then Christ asks us to do something radical and unexpected – once we are in possession of ourselves, we are called to give ourselves completely and wholly to God and others.

Taking a step back, you might ask, how do we gain self-knowledge?  We ultimately find our identity in Christ.  Christ is a member of the trinity – a perfect and equal interdependent communion of persons.  Therefore we find our identity through communion with others.  In Love and Responsiblity, JPII speaks of our call to make a true gift-of-self to others, which leads to freedom and fulfillment.  Christianity is a faith full of contradictions; we find freedom through sacrifice, self-denial and obedience.  We are asked to look to the good of others first, before our own well being.  We are called to service, which is important to understanding the next topic: power and hierarchy within the Church.