Working with the poor and writing have been playing a game of tug of war with my heart. But, in my recent hours of combing through job openings, I came across something illuminating.
(WRITER) ARTIST IN-RESIDENCE
Yale-New Haven Hospital
JOB SUMMARY
Develop, implement and adapt creative writing and spoken word activities for a diverse pediatric patient population in an acute healthcare setting. Facilitate group or individual sessions that engage children of all ages, family members or staff in self-expression through poetry, narrative, theatrical writing and performance to support the healing process. Share patient work through performance and publication.
Wait…I don’t have to choose?? Once again, God has reminded me that He wants to fulfill all of my desires, and put them in my heart for a reason.
My teenage self would say: duh! This is why art and music therapy works – because self-expression is an effective form of therapy. Helping people learn to express themselves gives them power and can even help lift people out of poverty.
Here’s another example of an organization that runs these sorts of workshops: http://nywriterscoalition.org
I made some great connections today and can’t wait to see where they take me!
I’ve inadvertently entered into a social experiment – one of those where you pretend to be disabled, a single mother, schizophrenic, etc and see how people react. When I, who could pass as a high schooler, walk around with the African-American baby I nanny, there are quite the variety of reactions…
Spring has sprung –
a new day has begun.
We are enlightened, brightened.
Blind to color we claim to be
but a different kind of blindness is what I see.
Blind to the colors of the Divine Artist –
an artist of stained glass to be specific,
windows being his specialty.
He works only with the finest, priceless glass
illuminated with brilliantly varied colors.
His windows are world-renowned!
Reflecting the same Light but looking oh – so different
a veritable paradox.
Meditating upon the work of this Artist –
(perhaps you’ve seen some of it?)
and in search of Truth, Beauty and Goodness,
I walk on the edge.
In the shadow of the woods
I see the dark undergrowth of “equality.”
I thought this was a “new” haven?
Old problems dressed up in new rags –
rags that threaten to hide the work of the Divine Artist.
So on this walk (a treasure hunt really)
I discover to my dismay –
birds of a feather still flock together
(especially those stubborn ducks!)
at the edge of the woods.
Who am I to disturb the status qu(ack)o?
“Who is this that appears like the dawn?”*
“Look at that! A white woman with a black baby!”
I’ll spare you a lecture on genes,
but while we’re on the subject,
please pull up yours.
Sir, I ask just a moment of your time
I beg you, step inside.
Let the dawn of a new day
illuminate our souls.
What color is your heart?
We just skyped with the 2-year-old niece of one of my roommates and, oh my, her cuteness literally brought tears to my eyes. She is being raised in a solid Catholic household and her innocent faith reminded me why Jesus told us to be like children. She prayed the rosary with us (which involved repeatedly kissing the crucifix) and told us the story of Moses.
During this conversation a great truth sunk in: children are the most wonderful creatures on earth. As frustrating as they can be at times, I feel blessed to spend every day with them. No matter how bad my day is, having a 3-year-old run into my arms and yell my name can erase the deepest frown from my face. Even the worst trouble makers know how to melt my heart with a hug and ‘I love you.’
It breaks my heart to hear about the broken homes some of my students have to go back to every night. I just want to scoop all my children into my arms and shower them with the love they deserve.
I’m all about not using this as a diary, but I think that it’s important for me to reveal some of myself once in a while. Being around children all the time has made me incredibly sad that I may never have any of my own. Perhaps it’s my biological clock ticking, or just the natural longing to have a family, but God is making me painfully aware of what He is asking me to give up. At the same time He is forming me as a spiritual mother, through interactions with my students, housemates, and friends.
I haven’t abandoned you my readers! Life has gotten substantially busier in the last two weeks, but definitely in a good way. I’m settling into a new routine and getting to know my housemates. We get along really well and more importantly, everyone can cook delicious things. It’s wonderful to have a community again – we pray together, challenge one another and hold each other accountable. Not only do I have this small community, but the larger Catholic community in this area. God is doing amazing things and I have been overflowing with joy these past two weeks.
As for the five-year olds – they’ve quickly captured my heart despite causing me to lose my voice. I mean they’re always telling me that I’m pretty and that they love me – it’s hard to stay mad at even the worst trouble makers. I wasn’t quite sure why God put me in an elementary school but I think he’s continuing to teach me the importance of being present to people. Right now these children need my presence and I need theirs. My afternoon may consist of playing frisbee with a six-year-old, but for some reason she needs me in that moment and I need her.
So I realize that this blog is going to become an interesting mixture of many topics. There will be updates on my volunteer placement and Chi Rho. Of course I’ll still be writing about my discernment with the TOR Sisters and fundraising efforts (less than a month till the half-marathon – please consider donating!). Plus my normal thoughts on morality and matters of faith.
Well folks I’ve moved once again. Can I reiterate how much I hate packing and unpacking? You would think that a future nun would be able to get by with a lot less stuff…
The place I’m living is quite close to my hometown, so I’ve been hanging out here for the past few weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that I am here permanently now. I start at my placement on Tuesday, so that’ll come up fast.
So after trudging up to the third floor and dumping all my stuff, my roommates and I discussed the plan for the day with the director of Chi Rho. Our first task was to go grocery shopping. He sent us off on our own with a strict budget of $150. As one of my fellow volunteers pointed out, frugality will be the order of the day this year. The three of us managed to get everything we needed and reach the limit almost exactly, with no permanent damages to egos or fists.
We’ll be taking turns cooking dinner, so the person whose turn it was got to work when we got home(I just called it home unconsciously). He made delicious chicken and to-die-for pumpkin bread to usher in the Fall season. Don’t worry Mom, I won’t be living on canned soup and peanut butter this year.
Just in time for dinner, our fourth roommate arrived and added some much needed estrogen to the mix. She speaks fluent polish, which will come in handy with the Polish church right next door.
Dinner was followed by a riveting game of Pictionary, which brought out our competitive sides, but also brought us together. We learned that none of us are skilled in the drawing department, but are not lacking in creativity. I have a feeling we’ll get many more laughs out of that game in the weeks and months to come.
Now we’re sitting around watching a movie and I’m anticipating all of the experiences we’ll have. We all have different placements and I can’t wait to hear everyone’s stories about the people they meet and the lessons they learn. This year will bring struggles, joys, obstacles and growth. God is going to ask us to be vulnerable and depend on each other more than we may be comfortable with. I know that this taste of true Catholic community will be just what I need. God made us to live in communion with each other – giving and receiving love. I thank Him for the chance to truly live that out!
I am learning the truth of this the hard way. Lately God has been asking me to follow him into the dark – to do things that seem to make no sense.
I’m slowly making my way through C.S. Lewis‘s abundant collection of brilliant writings. Right now I’m conquering his Space Trilogy, which consists of Out of a Silent Planet, Perelandra and That Hideous Strength. They are an interesting mix of science fiction, theology and philosophy.
I was already thinking about how God asks us to do things that we don’t understand sometimes when I came across this passage in That Hideous Strength:
“There you go again! You grumble about being given nothing to do, and as soon as I suggest a bit of real work you expect to have the whole plan of campaign told you before you do it. It doesn’t make sense… The great thing is to do what you’re told…”
Now the character speaking here is working for an evil company and does not have the sincerest intentions in keeping Mark Studdock(one of the main characters) in the dark, but the idea can be applied to how God works as well.
I like knowing things. I like knowing why things happen. I like knowing the future. All of these tendencies are not conducive to building a trusting relationship with God. Often when I ask God to reveal his will to me, it is not what I was expecting or what I wanted. And then I complain. Sound familiar? We don’t just want our prayers answered, we want them answered in the way we want. We ask God to give us a purpose, and then complain when that purpose is different from our own plans.
God is asking me to do something unexpected for reasons that are beyond my understanding. The only thing I know right now is that he is begging me to trust him.
As you may know, for the next year I will be participating in Chi Rho Service Corps. I’ve been slowly getting prepared and transitioning to where I’ll be living. This has been a huge test of trust. A couple of weeks ago I found out my placement and it was one of those moments when you wonder if God really knows what he’s doing. I’ll be working at a Catholic elementary school, assisting in a kindergarten classroom and helping with the after school program. I walked out of my meeting with the principal in a confused daze, with the need to know threatening to take away my sense of peace. My fellow volunteers are working in soup kitchens, Catholic Charities and a family services center – all places perfectly suited for a social worker. Sowhy is God asking me to do this?
My need to “figure it out” quickly took over. Am I supposed to be a teacher after all?(made worse when I was asked to teach a ccd class). Is this even what I’m supposed to be doing?(squashed by very clear signs). This is simply what God is asking me to do for the next year. I’m not supposed to know the whole “campaign,” but trust him with each new day.
“The sooner you drop all that talk about what you came here to do, the better you’ll get on.” – That Hideous Strength
Lately, the word freedom has been thrown around an awful lot. As is often the case with overuse of words, the meaning of this word has been twisted until we have lost sight of its true meaning. As I’ve written in the last few posts, freedom is about being your true self. As much as I’ve pondered this idea and written about it, I still can’t quite grasp why that is. How does this seeming contradiction of Christianity work? How is it that surrendering ourselves entirely unto the will of God and obeying him, leads to true freedom? Well I came across this video in which Fr. Robert Barron and Dr. Scott Hahn, theological geniuses and Catholic superstars, discuss the answer to this question.
Of course the other word which is utterly and hopelessly marred beyond recognition is tolerance. In regards to that, I’ll just share this lovely meme that has been circulating the web:
Our home for the week! Also, the future home for orphan girls.
I’m so sorry I haven’t written about Honduras yet!!
The top two things I learned: I need to learn how to speak Spanish for real and I need to start working out.
So, as a refresher, I traveled to Honduras two weeks ago with a group of students from my school. We went to help an organization called Students Helping Honduras. Their main purpose is to better the lives of children. They do this by running children’s homes for orphans, building schools and improving the quality of their education. The village we stayed in – Villa Soleada, was entirely built by this organization with the help of the residents.
My group traveled to another village called Bella Aurora to work on a school being
One of the village classrooms that doubles as a poolhall.
built there. The first day, Sunday, we took a tour and saw the current “school”. I put that in quotes because it consists of random classrooms scattered throughout the village. Additionally, these classrooms double as bars at night.
On Sunday we also had a chance to be immersed in the culture. We were split up into small groups of 3 or 4 and assigned
Baleadas!
a family. We scattered to their houses and helped make Baleadas. Baleadas are the traditional Honduran food. They consist of a tortilla filled with eggs, refried beans and avacodo. Sometimes other things are added like chicken, but that is the basic baleada. My first experience of this national favorite was in the airport and let me tell you, the real thing is 100x better. I was with the Ramirez-Ortiz family who had numerous adorable children and were very welcoming. They also made us fresh pineapple juice(delicious!) and plantains.
After eating ourselves into a near coma, someone decided it was time to put us to work. The task of the day was mixing cement and carrying endless buckets to be poured into the cinder block frame of the school (I think that’s how it works – I know nothing about construction). Tired after only a few hours of work, we wondered what the next day would hold.
Monday brought 100 degree weather, more cement and salsa dancing. After a long day of work, we were told the night would hold dance lessons. Not knowing what we were getting into, we all climbed onto the school bus that was our transportation for the week. Our driver Geo blasted the obligatory mix of American and Spanish music. Soon we pulled up to the sketchiest looking bar ever. It was portable and currently attached to a gas station. Yup, that sounds even sketchier when I put it into words…
Anyway a couple of the country’s top dancers met us there. We watched dumbfounded as they moved in ways not entirely humanly possible and then laughed when we were invited try the moves ourselves. They simplified it though and we got the hang of it (some more than others). They showed us the basic steps for the merengue, salsa and a few other dances.
Most of the week consisted of working on the school by doing various tasks. We built a porch for the front, built rebar one day and spent an entire afternoon passing buckets of sand down an assembly line. There was rain to contend with around Tuesday and then there was mud all over the place after that. My sneakers are never going to be the same color again.
As I mentioned above, SHH also runs a children’s home. Currently in Honduras all orphans live at state orphanages, unless they are lucky enough to be private homes, like this organization’s. There are strict laws against adoption and kids get kicked out at 13, which leads many of them to join gangs. One morning we went to visit the state orphanage and it was the most heart wrenching experience of the week. The living conditions were obviously sub par. The kids begged to be held and played with, because they probably don’t get much attention. There was one physically and mentally handicapped child crawling on the floor pinching our legs to get attention. The worst part was finding out that this orphanage is in better condition than the “old” one(which burned down).
On Thursday, we visited the other schools that SHH is in the process of building. Students were having class at all of the
A "classroom" at another school.
sites so we got to see the current classroom conditions. One school consisted of makeshift rooms of tarp and wood. At another, 600 students were crammed into about 6 “classrooms”. Visiting these schools literally made me sick and I was cranky all day over the thought of conditions these children are forced to live and learn in.
As with most Hispanic countries, the Honduran people have a love affair with soccer, or football as it is properly called. Or course, we couldn’t leave without playing a game of soccer. Apparently this requirement couldn’t be fulfilled by kicking a ball around with some kids. No, on Thursday afternoon, we participated in “cage soccer”, which as you might have guessed, consists of playing soccer in a cage. Now I have zero athletic ability and some of the people I was playing with were way more invested in the game than I was. My team played against some local girls, which was unfair from the beginning. These people have soccer in their blood and could play in their sleep! We lasted for a surprising amount of time though and it turned out to be fun.
Don Jose and his accordian.
The chaplain of my school was one of the chaperones and he managed to make friends with the president and spiritual leader of Bella Aurora, Don Jose. One day we were invited over his house. He said that he wanted to play some music for us and I was expecting a guitar but he came out with…an accordian. We had a grand time listening to him. He wanted to play a song we knew but we realized that the only Spanish song we might all know is Feliz Navidad. At the risk of being labeled “crazy americans” we broke out into this well known Christmas tune.
On our last day at the work site, Don Jose revealed that he wanted to have a prayer service to thank God for bringing us all together. What we thought was going to be a quick prayer turned into an hour of bible readings, reflections from both our priest and Don Jose, and of course singing accompanied by the accordion. The connection between all of us was tangible and I’m not afraid to admit that I teared up a little. Simply having a common faith in God makes us all an intimately bonded family, even across borders.
The name Bella Aurora means beautiful dawn. Honduras has been getting much media attention lately and as usual, the news focuses on the negative events that are occuring. My brief interactions with the people and glimpse into this country shows me that there is great hope. I think that through the work of organizations like SHH, Honduras is going to get a chance at a new beginning and the dawn of a beautiful future.
Posts about Honduras are coming soon but I just found out about a new pro-life movie that is coming out on March 23rd in select theaters. I’m trying to spread the word about it because it’s going to be an important evangelization tool if we can tell as many people as possible about it.
Here’s the trailer:
See the website for more info about the movie, a listing of showings, and information about getting a showing in your area. Although the production company isn’t strictly Catholic, their website includes a page of Catholic resources which is awesome!
Me: “Guess where I’m going for Spring Break?!?!” Dad: “Please say anywhere but Honduras…” Me: “Uhhhh…” *mischevious grin*
I was just perusing through my posts and noticed that something very important was missing. I am doing something major in one week and I failed completely to write about it. I guess the excitement of nunhood has been consuming my thoughts lately 🙂
Anyway, every year my school offers the opportunity to participate in spring break service trips to various places around the country. For the first time, this year they planned an international trip. Not wanting to pass up the opportunity, of course I applied.
That’s right folks, in one week I will be traveling to central america once again, to Guatemala’s neighbor, Honduras. We are working with a program called Students Helping Honduras and staying in El Progreso. This organization recruits groups of college students to come for one week and assist in building schools and with various other projects. Their main purpose to improve opportunities for children in Honduras. They work on building schools, providing school supplies and also run a children’s home.
Since I’ve been so multimedia lately, here’s a video about a village they’re basically building from the ground up:
This will definitely be a new experience for all of us, as we’ll be working with a new organization and with other college students from around the country. It should also be an interesting experience for me personally, since I have recently surrendered by desires to be a foreign missionary. It will be more important than ever to listen to the still small voice of God during this trip.
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