The Risk of Surrender

Right before I visited the TOR Sisters for the first time I decided to take a huge leap of trust and not make any after graduation plans.  The tug towards sisterhood was too strong to ignore and I really felt like God might be calling me to enter right after graduation.  As a sign of surrender I decided not to apply for graduate school or a volunteer program (which I was originally planning on doing).  I trusted that God would show me the right order and that he has a plan.  Then I found the TOR Sisters, fell in love and was put on the fast track towards acceptance.

Well I recently received the psychologist’s evaluation a few days ago.  There wasn’t anything too concerning in the report, but there are some areas of self-improvement and self-discovery that he wants me to explore.  Then yesterday the vocation director called me and revealed the decision of the formation board: they want me to wait a year before entering.  I’m still accepted and everything, my application process is just being extended.  Still, my heart sank at her words.  I had gotten so caught up in the possibility of entering in August, that I had ignored the reality.  The reality is that I have a lot of growing to do, I’m still very young and I haven’t done any living in the larger world outside of college and school.

This is my first concrete experience of obedience with a religious community but it was surprisingly easy to accept their decision.  I think it’s because deep down I know this year is what I need. It’s almost a relief to have this decision made for me.

Up until now I’ve been reveling in the fact that I don’t really need to figure out what I’m doing after graduation.  Now I have to get a job and move back home.  I also need to be very attentive to how God wants me to spend this year.  It’s important the I engage in activities that will help me grow spiritually, as a person and in my relationships with others.  I need to sit down and think hard about what I want to get out of this year.

One thing God has definitely been placing on my heart lately is a passion for the pro-life movement.  I think he is asking me to get more involved with actively fighting the horror of abortion and widespread use of contraception.  If anyone knows of any opportunities involving this movement, let me know!

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