Over a week ago, I spent almost six hours being interviewed by two of the TOR Sisters.  I was nervous going into it but soon realized it was really just a conversation about my journey so far and the charisms of the community.  I just reveled in the chance to spend time with them again.

Tomorrow is their formation board meeting in which they will discuss the interviews and whether I am a good fit for their community.  I should be hearing from the vocation director after they make their decision and she will tell me if I can move onto the next step.  I am excited, but calmly and prayerfully waiting to see what the Lord has in store for me.

Here’s a a great song about the annunciation:

“Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done unto me according to your word.”

The few days I got to spend in Ohio were blessed and filled with joy.  It was a very confirming experience and I definitely think it is where God is calling me.  God revealed to me several ways in which my talents and skills will be used within the order.   I spent some time at The Samaritan House, which is a thrift store and food pantry.  The Sisters that work there really care for the physical and spiritual needs of the people, by providing them with food and clothing, but also praying with them.  I really saw the commitment to Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy in this ministry.  They are looking at ways to expand their services to the poor, so my skills as a Social Worker would be put to good use.  I also had a chance to tag along with the postulants to the ministry that they engage in which involves visiting the elderly at a nursing home.  I was telling them about my experience working with the elderly and one of the girls commented that maybe I could teach them a few things.

I noticed throughout my time there that “being present” is very important to these Sisters.  One day a Priest was staying for breakfast and the mother superior asked if anyone could “be present” to him.  I thought it was interesting that she said this, instead of just asking if anyone could spend time with him.  This phrase was used by a couple of the other Sisters and I decided that it should probably be their motto.  It just says so much: being present to someone implies that you are giving that person your full attention and are not thinking about what you have to do in an hour or thinking about how bored you are or texting.  It also reminds me of the fact that the entire purpose of consecrated life is to be the presence of God in the world.  These Sisters truly live in the joy of the present moment.

So after spending a few days with them and being hit over the head by the Holy Spirit numerous times,  I sat down to process my visit with the vocation director.  She sensed that my visit had been filled with peace and asked me if I wanted to continue with the application process.  Without hesitation I said, “yes!”

The main parts of the process are extensive interviews and a psychological test.  If all goes smoothly, these things are going to happen pretty fast within the next two months.  Next weekend I am meeting two of the Sisters in Washington DC to do the interviews, which are 2 and 4 hours long.  After that, I will find out on January 30th if I am approved by the formation board to move onto the psychological exam.  If I am approved, I will be going to Ohio on February 20th to do that.  If I pass that, I will be given an invitation to enter pending my loans being taken care of.  Then God needs to make some serious miracles happen and if I can get my student loans paid off, I can enter in August.  He’s already taking care of me though.  The Knights of Colombus at my home parish have given me money to pay for the psychological test and I know that’s just the beginning of the blessings that God is going to shower upon me.

Recently I came up for an analogy for my life; I am sprinting full speed towards a cliff.  I can’t really see what’s waiting for me at the bottom of the cliff, but I know it’s Jesus waiting to catch me.  Oh also I’m afraid of heights, so there’s that.

“Are we not perhaps all afraid in some way? If we let Christ enter fully into our lives, if we open ourselves totally to him, are we not afraid that He might take something away from us? Are we not perhaps afraid to give up something significant, something unique, something that makes life so beautiful? Do we not then risk ending up diminished and deprived of our freedom? And once again the Pope said: No! If we let Christ into our lives, we lose nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing of what makes life free, beautiful and great. No! Only in this friendship are the doors of life opened wide. Only in this friendship is the great potential of human existence truly revealed. Only in this friendship do we experience beauty and liberation. And so, today, with great strength and great conviction, on the basis of long personal experience of life, I say to you, dear young people: Do not be afraid of Christ! He takes nothing away, and he gives you everything. When we give ourselves to him, we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors to Christ – and you will find true life. Amen.” ~ Pope Benedict XVI

I just heard this song on Pandora and was astounded at how perfectly it fits what’s happening in my life.  Also, I think it’s a great Advent song.

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve you while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

This definitely applies to me because I have many random passions and get easily distracted by good things.  So as I walk down this path of discernment, I’ve been asking myself what the deepest desires of my heart are.  What I came up with is: serve the poor – both spiritually and materially, reveal the truth of God’s love, make the redeeming love of Christ known and build up the Church.

At the same time God has been revealing to me the desperate need of the American people.  More than anything, we are spiritually poor and the spiritual state of our youth especially is disheartening.  I believe that he has important work for me to do here.

When I went to Tanzania, that is absolutely where I needed to be.  I learned many important things during my time there and it was huge leap of faith which helped solidify my relationship with God.  God took me to the other side of the world to confirm my vocation as a Sister, teach me the power of prayer and teach me to trust him in everything I do.

In the end, complete obedience is the only way to true freedom.  By completely abandoning myself to God’s will, I will allow him to fulfill all of my desires and beyond.  I may still end up in Africa one day, but the only way to find out is to be obedient and go to Ohio…

This is a great video giving a different perspective on Advent. Also, this priest has tons of videos on all different topics that you should check out.

God sure likes keeping me on my toes and keeps surprising me with blessing after blessing.  I’m learning that the more I give to him the more he will give back to me.  At the beginning of this school year I began actively and prayerfully seeking out which order of Sisters God wants me to join.  After a couple of months of searching though, I got frustrated.  With the internet all the orders in the world are at my fingertips and that is way too overwhelming.  Finally I stopped looking and told God that he was going to have to lead me to the right one in His own time.  I really should be careful what I wish for…

I decided to focus my energy on learning about other aspects of religious life instead.  One day, while browsing google to figure out how to pay off my loans in a record amount of time, I stumbled across the website of The Franciscan Sisters of the Penance of Our Sorrowful Mother. After perusing it for a couple of seconds I realized that I had met these sisters before!  My first interaction with them was on a retreat about a year ago.  I had a powerful experience of prayer with them and had talked to one of the novices about discernment.

I knew that God had led me to this website for a reason so I decided to check them out.  I contacted the vocation director and found out they were having a discernment retreat in early November.  I also found out that two girls from the retreat where I had met the sisters originally were going.  It seemed that everything fell into place for me to go out to Ohio.

It wasn’t love at first sight upon entering the convent, but as the weekend progressed I began to have a sneaking suspicion that my search might be over.  Their charism and life style really clicked and it seemed that everything they said was already on my heart.  The Holy Spirit continually bombarded me with signs throughout the weekend.

Throughout the weekend this phrase repeated itself over and over in my heart: Everything you long for, great and small, is found here.  Any doubts I have since returning to “real life” have been pushed aside by God’s great guidance.  It has already worked out for me to go back in January and I can’t wait!  I could go on and on about the incredible things God has been doing in my life in the past month but I’ll leave you with this for now.

This order is so far from where I thought I would end up (geographically and spiritually) but obviously God had other plans.  That’s a whole other blog post though…

How many of us actually believe this though?  Scripture tells us over and over how precious we are in God’s eyes, but when will we be convinced that it’s actually true?  It is so easy to get caught up in guilt over sin and obsess over our failures that we forget the power of Christ’s redeeming love.  Isaiah 43 says: “You are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you” and “Bring back my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth:  Everyone who is named as mine, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”  Did you catch that?  You are precious in God’s eyes.

God created each of us with a specific and unique purpose.  We were not mass produced like mystery meat in a cafeteria.  Think about this: God made us in his image and likeness, exactly the way we are for a reason.  Therefore whenever we insult ourselves or another human being we are saying 1) that God is ugly and 2) that God made a mistake.  We marvel over the beauty of sunsets yet we as human beings are  the pinnacle of God’s creation; his greatest work – take some time to think about that today.

And I will leave you with this thought: It is only when we can truly accept God’s love that we can be free to follow his will.

Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.”

Watch this video about letting God form you into the person he made you to be:

http://skitguys.com/videos/embed/1197/

I was talking to someone about the presentation and he challenged me to consider whether genocide happens in our country.  I thought for a few seconds and then it hit me: abortion.  I have thought about this parallel before but he succeeded in reminding me of the atrocities that are happening right on our door steps.  This secret genocide may not be as visible or violent as others, but it is real.  Here is a chart comparing elements of other genocides to abortion:  http://www.blackgenocide.org/abortion.html

Abortion doesn’t quite fit into the legal definition of genocide, but it is, quite simply, the mass murder of a group of people with something in common: they are unwanted.  Here is the internationally accepted definition of genocide: http://www.preventgenocide.org/genocide/officialtext.htm

I also decided to look up some statistics about abortion to see how they compare to the death counts for the holocaust.  It is estimated that up to 17 million people died in that genocide.  Worldwide, 42 million abortions are performed per year. In the United States, 1.37 million abortions are performed each year.

The use of choice to justify abortion has never made sense to me.  Forced abortion is considered a form of genocide, yet if a woman chooses to abort her own baby that’s perfectly fine.  If someone kills a pregnant woman, that person is charged with two counts of murder, yet if a mother chooses to kill her own baby, that is perfectly legal.

Well there’s your think-about-it for the day.